Cringing with embarrassment

Right now I'm cringing with embarrassment, because I suddenly became aware of people reading these blogs, and I felt extremely vulnerable.

Having said that, what exactly is a sense of vulnerability, but the old inner voices having their say? A sense of vulnerability is only an illusion, just as confidence is.

Right now I'm sitting on the deck of a beach bar/restaurant in Port Aransas, Texas, and mulling over stuff, as usual.

Again, I'm aware of the fact that each moment is a potential fresh start; every moment is an opportunity to reset my compasses, set my direction, navigate a little closer to the direction I want to go.

Again, it's all about focus. What I focus on: whether it's stuff, work, values etc, is what I allow to occupy my mind. What I encourage my imagination to visualize is what I attract to me.

And the abysmal sense of vulnerability is really just those old feelings coming to the surface again. But alongside them is my choice: I don't need to listen to them, let alone obey them.

Yes, I have been living the proverbial "interesting life" because that's what I chose to do.

Now I can make new choices. Daily, I can make new choices.

I guess a question I might ask myself, though, is why I want the entire world to witness my turmoil? Why do I seem to want the entire world to study my process? Isn't it rather like being some kind of one man reality TV show?

Maybe so.

But that's what it's like being an advanced exhibitionist, I suppose...

And anyway, all actors are exhibitionists. It's necessary.